I left my veterinary practice, and the associated other ventures, after 13 years as Hospital Administrator, three weeks ago as of this writing.

I have left jobs before, I’ve even left vet practices before, but nothing came close to this. Thirteen years is a long time.

When you manage people for a living you hope that you make a difference in people’s jobs and by extension their lives. At the same time, you have your doubts…

“Did I really make any difference at all?”

Sure, there are people who say you’ve made a difference. People who you grow to care for – maybe even think of as friends. At the same time, one can never be unaware of the inequality of those relationships. Managers, by definition, are not on an equal footing with the people they manage.

“Are they saying that nice thing because they mean it or because I’m their manager and they know it’s what I want to hear?”

Leaving changes all that.

Who signs your card and who does not. Who finds the time for a quiet conversation – a mentorship confessional. Those who reach out over social media, knowing your aversion to mixing your personal life and work, is now no longer such an issue. The moving of people from the thought bucket of colleague to the one marked friendship. These are the subtle reminders that you matter. That despite all the challenges, you did good work.

The jaded manager in me, the one who regularly has to be beaten down less he rears his head with his negativity, would always whisper the word “fraud.” That making a difference had failed. That you were not the manager you aspired to be, that indeed you were not the manager you thought you were, that you were the manager you feared being. Many sarcastic thanks to the makers of The Office (either one) for adding to the management second guessing in case we inadvertently and momentarily became David Brent / Michael Scott. Although truthfully there are far worse managers out there, both on Television or Film and in the real world, than David Brent or Michael Scott.

But in leaving one can leave those thoughts behind. These are not the rose-tinted memories of times gone by – although I’m sure those are to come. These are the genuine thing. Reactions from people who care. Who recognize the role you have played. Whether it was a timely job offer, a suggestion of a new role or promotion, advice about how to deal with a colleague, or for faith and belief in another when everyone else has none. This is what work is supposed to be. The collaboration between people in pursuit of a shared goal.

Leaving makes you realize your value. That your value is that things will carry on. That you are not indispensable because you have dedicated your management career to ensuring that others thrive and have the skills they need to grow.

Leaving makes you realize your value.

That’s not sad, that’s legacy.